There is a monster
rolling around in my head
Whispering in my brain
mischevious mutterings
that I can hear with certainty
out loud I could not explain
It was a cute little tiny thing
Then it grew and grew and grew
Now it is so BIG
It is telling me what to do
Banishment is what it needs
Begone! Nevermore!
In my head it does not belong
So I will ignore it
and not feed it
like the dog
living outside my door
Uninvited
Who needs it.
I have discovered some monsters in my head are screaming on top of some scary and festering gaping wounds… that look like they could never, ever heal. Ever. I did ignore them. I did work past them. Came a time I decided. OK. Just one (not all of them, not even two!). Look more closely at the horror that is in one. The terrible wound that looks like it can never heal, that is besides that just totally gross. I try to look with compassion. I try to look with love. I sit beside it with patience and don’t run away this time. I just sit. It needs time. It needs attention, but no, it doesn’t need me to feed it – it is too sick to eat. The food will just cause more festering. I restrain myself from the urge to fix it up quick – it won’t fix up quick. I just sit. I witness the pain, the suffering and when I can’t stand it, I take a break, but I come back. Time after time after time. And eventually I notice it is healing just a bit. Just a bit. And very gradually, it transforms into less gross, less festering, less gaping. Some of the original innocence shows through here and there. It can be heartbreaking, to see clues to the tender wholeness that once was. That was so wounded. I’m not a patient person, but I have developed techniques for patience. The “giving myself a break and coming back again” technique helps. Down the road, I seem to be trusting myself just a bit more, the various parts of me. And there are always other parts, other monsters, waiting for my attention…
Thank you for your always wonderful poetry – you make my soul sing…
and you just gave me goosebumps!
thank you for this!